Ma.lig.nant

School got tougher. Teaching got tougher. Either one of them, I can't really tell which. I went back baring my soul, showing my earnestness, and thinking that my sincerity and efforts would be the light guiding me forward.. but that didn't hold out after the first three weeks. Maybe I, the egg without the shell, was a mistake afterall.

I was told to build barriers around me to protect myself, but what I think I have done was to build walls instead. All these walls... unnecessary yet practical, redundant but vital, as I was told. Why are these people so keen on helping me lay the bricks? They are protective, I know. They are doing their bit to shelter me, but did I need it? Why should I, a confident and unfazed individual with my own values of discernment, suppress my words and keep mum? I know I will not cross the line, but why do these people, who don't know me too well at all, keep pointing that line out to me as though I was incapable of controlling my own actions?

And then there are those who don't give me space and intrude upon me, pushing me into corners and asking me offensive things that even the walls will frown in dismay upon hearing them words being whispered. I am not deserving of this.. I am not a brunt for people to deal their blows on, I am not.

Thank you for letting me rant in complete sentences. I promise happier posts in the time to come.

How we forget

And so it turned out that I had completely forgotten about this space as I got caught up in the whirlwind of excitement that marked the end of my service to the nation. Bags packed, we were given our final pep talks and bid our last goodbyes. I took a week off for myself, caught up on some rest and got ready to return to my alma mater to teach. So life's been quite the drill - early morning and I'll be in school wrestling with the kids and marking work till it's time to go. I have been enjoying myself so much that the second week of teaching is just tomorrow. Meeting new people and hearing their predicaments, bumping into old teachers and friends, and most of all being in such a familiar place surely brings back truckloads of great memories. Right now I'm taking everything in my stride and really, really considering my post-university options. Got lots to consider..